4 hours of sleep. I wasn’t supposed to wake up at 9 am. I don’t know what triggered it, the heat that came through a portal that connected my room to the sun or all the scattered dreams that flashed in those 4 hours. Whatever happened, wasn’t very pleasant. My head almost played the role of the moon, orbiting around the Earth at least once.

I tried to go back to sleep again, which was quite impossible, if you were in CTG today, you would know why; if you weren’t, please count yourself lucky and refrain from asking any more questions about the weather.

My hideous room is not in the scenario anymore, pan the camera to the kitchen or whatever it is called (if you ever stepped inside my flat, you know what am I talking about). Fast forward 10 mins, and the breakfast is on the pan, cooking on a slow flame. And my aquamarine cup is filled with some hot water with instant coffee, we recently rekindled our relationship (we are so back!!!). It’s not the best, of course, and barely gets the job done, but traveling 20 km for a good americano just couldn’t be the first thing I do this morning. Long story short, I had a good breakfast after many weeks.

I missed home. My maa and nani always cooked biryani on my birthday. They didn’t do it for the past three years. No rituals for a missing person I guess. Do they feel sad or relieved now that they don’t have to do it anymore? Gotta ask.

A normal person would probably be very happy if they accidentally woke up early, they might think about getting some work done as well. Yes, I did the same. Opened my laptop right after and slowly fell asleep on it. Cute.

As I was supposed to catch the train to go to the city, my brain thought the most beautiful and creative dream for me right now would be about missing the train. I saw it was already 3.56 pm in my dream, I missed the train. I cried in both realities for absolutely no reason, of course, I can always hit the road even if I missed that ghastly train. Anyway, I woke up, again, and checked the time with my eyes full of tears, it wasn’t even late.

Made lunch, rushed to shower, had lunch, got all dolled up (which eventually melted away), and ran to catch the train, all in I don’t know how many minutes, the number should be very small. I shouldn’t have done it, taking the train today was absolutely the worst idea, it was at least 47 degrees inside, and sitting on the door pretty much saved my life. Or else, by now, I would be one of the rarest people on this earth who have the same birth and death date.

I had to give a small prep for like 5 mins before going back to crimson. I swear to god, the moment I stepped inside, my heart felt misplaced, I can’t really write down how empty it felt. I tried to get my shit together, walked to our sofas, met my favorite people that still live in the same city as me, sat down, and started to open my gifts (I love books), and then, of course, got my hands on my beloved, americano (small).

I wish I could say “my coffee fixed me” or “me and my iced americano against the world” like all those Pinteresty Instagram spam accounts. I couldn’t, none of us could. All we talked about was how it doesn’t feel the same, how it doesn’t feel okay, how the emptiness is eating up each and everyone of us. One thing led to another, and then there were those few mandatory birthday tears. Asif bhai my dearest, if you ever read this, I hope you know how much I miss you already, there are no exact numbers of the amount, but it is somewhere around the height of Mt Everest (Babar Ali can confirm, ask him). It still feels like you are in Halishahar, and I can see you in a day or two. Please turn New York into Halishahar as soon as possible. Otherwise, I have to say like the school paragraphs, my sorrows know no bounds. You don’t want that. Also, the mango tea is gone with you.

So back to storytime, at this point, I’m in that god-forsaken train again, on my way home. Tonight is a full moon. Flower moon. Beautiful. Which is named after the flowers that begin to bloom during the month. Mayflower. I had read a book named Mayflower a long ago, I don’t really remember what it was about, probably wasn’t that interesting, but I guess I should check, it should be around here somewhere.

I can’t sleep. Not here, not like this. I need to go back home.